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one thing, two do, three words, four you
Hello there, I'm Denise, seventeen in July 09 and frankly, I'm just like anyone else.Five things about me, I don't have many true friends, the ones I have don't really understand me at all. I know that the only person that I can really rely on is myself but even sometimes, I let myself down. I strongly believe in karma. What goes around, comes around. I don't really have life principles, I'm just trying to live everyday to its fullest. Chest hair scares me. |
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about me
Five things I love and can't live without :
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affiliates
Aaron Loh
Alyssa Low
Atisya Rosli
Audrey Chew
Ayesha
Chan Tong
Charlotte Ooi
Cheryl Soh
Cheyenne Jackson
Darren Soh
Deborah Low
Elaine Lim
Farah Ismail
Freddy Loke
Gina Chuah
Gwendoline Too
Hong Ling
Hong Yen
Hsu Wern
Hsu Yan
Hui Ying
Hunny
Ichaa
Jadeline Cheng
Julia Chin
Justina Tan
Kanch
Keith See
Kevin Woo
Khei Qi
Kimberley
Kok Weng
Kylie Ngeow
Lee Ling
Madeleine Tan
Mathew Woo
Mei Yen
Michelle Gray
Nicky Chang
Nina
Samantha Chang
Sarah Alicia
Shermaine
Sofea
Sue Ann
Suet Ying
Tze Wei
Victor Tan
Villi
Wen Qi
Yih Ling
Yun Wayne
archives
credits
Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed |
the difference
 I don't know if any of you have noticed , but there's a difference in my old blog , and my new one . Yeah , there is . Not in the way I write , or how often I update , but a difference in me . It's something big , it's something that represents how I chose to live my life . I changed , because of a reason . If you're wondering what this huge fuss is about , and you haven't already realised , I used to be a HUGE bitch . Yeah , a bitch . That's because I used to change my crushes like I was changing underwear . I would talk and rant about a guy for a week or so ( and NO , that's not how often I change underwear ! ) , then when I tell him I like him but he doesn't like me back , or I just get bored , I'll just move on to the next available , good-looking guy . Really , the thought of that kind of attitude makes me disgusted at my own self . And what changed me ? This was what changed me . There was this new guy in our school earlier this year . He was tall , extremely good-looking, a shuffler ( I liked shufflers at that time hahahaha ) , and he hung out with my group of friends at that time . At first , we were just friends , we hardly spoke to each other except when we occasionally asked each other to belanja something ( if that makes any sense at all ! ) . I would steal glances at him as many times as I could , and I found myself really enjoying his company . Then there was the day , it a Saturday and our school had the Annual co-curriculum meeting . So my sister and I went , but we did mostly lepaking at the playground near our school . In this playground , was a concrete landing where we all sat laughing and joking around . Then someone put on some shuffle music and the above said guy started shuffling away . My best friend asked me to join , so I did ( yes , amazingly enough I can shuffle without falling or looking like a fool , yay ! ) . We all ended up landing on top of each other laughing . When the guy helped me up , that was it . I felt that stupid spark telling me I officially liked him . And I know it was such a stupid thing to fall for , but it must have been something in the way he looked at me . Over the next few days , we would talk even more and spend more time with each other even though we were in different classes . Then there was one day , I told my best friend , who also happened to be closest to him at this point , that I liked him . So being the blabber mouth my friend was , he told that guy I liked him . After that , I tried as much as I could to avoid him , I had no idea why , I usually liked to spend more time with the guy I liked . But anyway , one day , his sister told MY sister that he likes me too . I was really really happy . Then , one day in a packed corridor after recess , I walked pass him and he called out to me . He said that he wanted to meet me after school , at the usual place we hang out at . I was super stunned and I just stammered out an "Okay." . He prolly thought I looked weird standing with an O on my face . But ANYWAY , after school , I rushed out of the class and half walked , half ran to the place . I sat next to him and asked what was up . He asked why have I been avoiding him and my heart fluttered at the thought that he noticed I have been avoiding him . And I couldn't answer so I just smiled and looked down . So we talked for quite a bit when he finally popped the question. This was how it went. HE ME So , Ezrul told me you liked me . Is that true ? Erm , did he ? Yeah he did. *smiles that stupid smile that had got me into this situation* Well , I guess I kinda do. Oh really , that's awesome. Haha yeah , it is . Okay , I'm just gonna get to the point , I like you too , so will you be my girlfriend ? *FAINTS* Okay , no I didn't faint , but I felt like it . Anyway , of course I said YES ! Btw , the conversation was in Malay , I just translated it . So the first two weeks were just amazing . He said he was in love with me , I was just on top of the world . After a while , I made the biggest mistake ever . I fell in love with him too . He was c o n s t a n t l y on my mind , and I would spent every waking second without him thinking about when I was going to see him again . I loved the moments we were together , holding hands and him telling me how cute I was while pinching my cheeks . I was seriously in love . I told him everything about me and he told me everything about him , including that he smokes . My picture was on him MySpace and his picture was on mine . We called each other everyday and sat together everyday in the canteen . We were kinda inseparable . And lots of people hated it . People talked about us and some girls really bitched about me . But hey , I didn't care , they were just jealous . Then there was Sports Day . A few days before that , he was already showing signs of being bored with me so I tried my best to make him happy . But during the whole of Sports Day in the stadium , he totally ignored me . I couldn't take it so I walked up to him while he was playing a game on his phone . ME HE Hey you. Yeah, hey. *without looking up from his game* What's wrong ? Are you okay ? I'm kinda worried about you. It's nothing, Dee, I'm fine . Really , then , why are u avoiding me ? I'm sorry. Is that it ? Yeah , I'm playing my game, can you talk to me later? Well , you've been playing your dumb game the whole day , can we talk now? *looks up* Thank you. Can I help you ? I'm your GIRLFRIEND , why are you doing this ? I'm sorry Dee. What, do you wanna break up ? *looks down* Do you ? Well , no , unless there's a perfectly good reason. I think I'm not ready for a relationship Dee. Why ? Did I do something wrong? Please , I love you. No , Dee , its got nothing to do with you , I love you too . Then WHY ? I don't know , I just can't be with you. What ? Cos other people don't like us together ? Kinda . Why do you care bout what they think ? I don't know Dee, I just DO . Is it okay that we break up ? Well , I don't see logic in staying in a relationship with you when you already don't want me , so fine . It's not that I don't like you anymore , I still do , I just can't be with you. So that was it . The rest was just us agreeing to still be friends and me running off 5 minutes later to the toilet crying my eyes out . But months past after that , and we never spoke a WORD to each other , I couldn't even be in the same place as him , let alone look at him . And the worst part about it was that my best friend just broke up with MY SISTER so it was kind of awkward to see him . We were all just falling apart . And I still wasn't over him . Three months later , I found myself being more comfortable around him than I was , and I didn't mind hanging out with my best friend again . Things were getting back to normal , but I still knew I still wasn't over him . This was because , I knew if he coupled with someone else , it would just kill me . Finally , the time came when he did , he was with this girl he met at during Zapin . She was average , and kinda unknown so people didn't talk about them . HAHA I know that is really perasanted of me , indirectly saying that I was known , but its the TRUTH . Haha . But strangely enough , I didn't find myself falling apart , or crying my heart out cos he was with someone else . I was actually happy that he was . I was over him . So NOW , I'm kinda lazy to like anyone just as much . I'm fine with being friends but nothing more . Although , there IS this guy I met at church that I really enjoy being with . We'll just let time tell huh :) Anyway , I know this was a really cheesy love story to you ( if you read any of it at all ) but it was big enough to change me . I fell in love and it broke me . But I'm okay now so thank God :) |